Says Ryan Seacrest at the outset: “We’re about to write the final entry on an incredible journey that started way back in January.”  He was talking about Candice and Kree, of course, but he could have substituted “a journey that started twelve years ago,” and been talking about Randy Jackson, who gave his final bows tonight. For that matter, he could have been talking about American Idol itself.

From all appearances, the name will continue, and something will result, but the chances of seeing a top five like we saw this season are virtually nil. They may have been the best top five ever (debatable) but they’re the ones the viewers didn’t watch. It’s left to clowns like me to mull over the reasons why. The suits in charge will doubtless take a more direct approach involving hatchets and scalpels  and come up with a Frankenstein’s monster we’ll scarcely recognize.

These finales are always an opportunity for Idol to look back, both at the concluding season and contestants from earlier seasons. Jennifer Hudson and Adam Lambert showed up to prove that not winning can be a great career move. There was a clever bit riffing on the generally accepted assumption that some invisible hand was behind the elimination of all the guys. We got to make chuckle at Mariah’s overuse of “dahling,” Nicki’s wigs and Randy’s slogan-think.

But much more interesting was the glimpse into the future we were given. The duet pairings, contestants with their chosen stars, are always revealing, though some years the chemistry has been notably lacking—Mary J. Blige and Eliot Yamin in Season Five come to mind.) But tonight we got a chance to see the directions these women might take as they try to craft a commercial product that stays true to who they are.

First up is Janelle Arthur who joins The Band Perry singing their new single Done, and matched Kimberly Perry note for note. She looked, acted, and sounded like she was right where she belonged and gave no hint that of the top five, she’d made the earliest exit. Her mix of genuine talent and sheer likability will take her far.

Amber Holcomb, wearing tight pants and a head full of mussed curls certainly looks ready for her close-up. Sounds it too. She sings Emeli Sande’s Next To Me, which the producers gave Candice to sing last week. But Amber gets to sing it with Sande herself, and sounds pretty damn good doing so. One thing that’s apparent in comparing the two: Amber has yet to infuse her singing with her own unique personality. Her voice is strong and confident but you might not immediately identify her in a blind listening. When Sande sings her lines, her voice is as unique as a set of fingerprints.

Angie Miller gets two different duets both of them worth waiting for. Adam Lambert joins her for David Guetta’s Titanium and their voices blend effortlessly. So far, the three also-rans from the top five, freed of the need to compete, are coming across with a confidence that would have served them well in the competition. Angie’s voice has never sounded better, though I also credit Lambert’s uncanny instincts to know exactly how to measure his delivery to best mesh with hers. Then, Lambert introduces Angie’s star choice, Jessie J, who sings Domino. Angie demonstrates, once again, that she was the only contestant this season with a rock sensibility, and, roaming the stage as she sings, she proves that she doesn’t need a piano to be a star. Ryan lets drop that her single is ready for downloading. Didn’t waste any time, did she?

Kree gets to join an all-star line-up with Keith Urban on guitar, Randy Jackson on bass and Travis Barker from Blink-182 on drums. They sing Keith’sWhere the Blacktop Ends, an up tempo number that she clearly has a great time singing.

The final duet matches Candice with Jennifer Hudson; like Adam and Angie, these two are a pitch-perfect fit. As with Amber and Emeli Sande, Jennifer Hudson puts herself into every note, something you didn’t realize was missing in Candice’s delivery until you hear them side by side. But give Candice a year when all she has to do is sing, and develop her instrument. Everything’s in place, just waiting for the opportunity to burst out.

In addition to hearing Keith Urban a couple of times tonight, we also got to hear Mariah, at last, singing rather than trying to talk, and after a few notes, all is forgiven. I’ve never cared much for her material, but it’s impossible to remain unaffected when she unleashes her voice. It’s a force of nature. There were problems between the video and audio (it was taped earlier, I’m sure), and it actually looked like she was lip-syncing, the possibility of which flooded the Twittersphere with conspiracy theories. Three points: the inconsistency was consistent throughout; she’s been at this long enough that if she really was going to lip-sync, she’d do a better job; she’s not that stupid to even try. No, the voice we heard was coming from her in the moment, and, at the end of her medley, when she shot up into dog-whistle territory and still maintained total control, all that’s left is to stand and cheer. Which everyone did. She deserved it.

Sometimes you can’t help but wonder if there’s room for all this new talent. How many stars can a culture absorb, even one as ADD plagued as ours? Not to worry. Only the porn industry has a more insatiable appetite for fresh new faces. This is not a business that boasts longevity. Maybe the Rolling Stones are still touring after 50 years, but more often stars, no matter how great, end up like Frankie Valli and Aretha Franklin, both of whom made appearances and both of whom retained but pale echoes of the voices we remember.

And then, the big announcement, remarkable only in that it was the right choice. I think Candice really had doubts about her chances, and, given the whacky ride this season’s taken them on, she was justified. But either divine providence, common sense or late-night skullduggery intervened to guarantee that the best of the best actually walked away with the prize. And we also got one last first: Candice was so overcome with emotion, she actually sounded like crap singing her new single. It’s the last time you’ll hear her botch a song. She’s heading for something good, and I’ll be fascinated to see what it turns out to be.

But if the future looks bright for the top five, one last foreshadowing is a bit more worrisome. We were treated to something from Psy, the less said about the better, and we got the opportunity to see Jennifer Lopez debuting her new single with Pitbull. J-Lo does a remarkable job, considering that she has all of a four note range and Pitbull is, well… you like him or you don’t. It’s difficult to say they were singing a duet, however; more like different conversations overheard simultaneously on the subway. As far as I’m concerned, it’s arguable whether or not it was even a song. There was a lot of flash, a good bit of skin, some choreography and a driving beat, but certainly nothing that actually required a singer.

It’ll be a mega-hit, no doubt. Get ready folks, it’s where American Idol is heading. I wish them well. Meanwhile, I’ll be watching Duck Dynasty.

The Originals

Having already watched the backdoor pilot, it was mediocre at best. It took itself too seriously and seemed to lose much of the self aware playfulness and banter of The Vampire Diaries. That said, I’ll likely give it a chance and believe it can be at least half as good as VD.

How long will it last? Interesting choice to not air after The Vampire Diaries on Thursday. This will likely get at least a full season and continue longer.

The Tomorrow People

I don’t really see how this is any different from SHIELD or Heroes. Or, for that matter, the show I remember from my childhood. I guess the production value is cranked up quite a bit since then.

How long will it last? This seems like a perfect pairing to follow Arrow, The CW’s biggest show in years. This will likely stick around for a while.

Reign

This looks embarrassingly bad, like a bunch of school children playing dress-up trying to be taken seriously.

How long will it last? Look for this to be one of the first major flops of the new season.

The 100

Certainly the strongest trailer of the bunch. I only wish The CW would release full trailers so we can get a bigger picture. This seems to have the most long term potential and the clearest point of view. However, they need to figure out if their show is called The One Hundred, or The Hundred, because what we’re seeing isn’t corresponding to what they’re saying in the trailer.

How long will it last? It’s a fairly unique concept, not only for The CW, but for any network. Mid season replacements are always a strange bet. But I’ll bet on this one sticking around.

Star Crossed

This show already existed and it was called Roswell. How is this even allowed? The only difference here is the aliens are known and basically made to act like African Americans in the 50’s.

How long will it last? If Roswell was any indication, about four seasons. But hopefully audiences will pick up on the blatant mimicry and it’ll be cancelled quickly.

This world that Luhrmann has designed is so outlandish it is easy to get lost in the details. The circus of visual effects, elaborate camera work, jaw-dropping sets and gorgeous period costumes, exemplify these characters’ skewed perceptions of reality, and distraction of materialism and their hollow notion of love. These are all lost and empty characters and Luhrmann’s style perfectly complements Fitzgerald’s cynical view of the whole charade.

Fitzgerald’s book lends itself very well to this adaptation. This film is very faithful to the book, despite the visual and audio choices, which are all exceptional. All of Fitzgerald’s original creation finds its way into this film, even going as far to include quite a bit of the original dialogue.

For those unfamiliar with the classic book, (and I’m quite sorry you haven’t read it, and are, instead, reading this review.) Gatsby follows a young man who moves to West Egg, Long Island for the summer to visit his cousin Daisy (Carey Mulligan). His next door neighbor is the mysterious ever elusive Jay Gatsby, who every weekend throws the most rambunctious, extravagant parties. Nobody knows the truth as to who Gatsby really is or where he got his fortune. When Carraway becomes friends with Gatsby, he gets swept up into his bizarre and unrealistic lifestyle when Gatsby asks him to be re-introduced to his old girlfriend Daisy.

Leonardo DiCaprio does a good job as the mysterious socialite by accentuating Gatsby’s disconnect from reality. Just like the visuals, Gatsby’s perspective is skewed and hindered by materialism and he switches from a spoiled poser to a hopeless romantic. Just like every other aspect in this film, Gatsby is always “on” and Leonardo DiCaprio captures that energy effortlessly. My only complaint is that DiCaprio spends a little too much time turning Gatsby into someone slightly obsessive. Mulligan shines when she lets Daisy’s tortured conscience attempt to break through her superficial facade.

The weakest link is Tobey Maguire. He provides a stale narration and recounting of all the events and his incessant doe-eyed reactions to every situation can become slightly annoying. The actor seems unsure of what to do in each scene. But he’s adequate as our voyeur into the life of someone so far outside his realm.

The use of music is reason enough to see this. The Jay-Z produced soundtrack is a clash between contemporary hip hop and 1920’s jazz. Hearing Jay-Z, Florence and the Machine and Beyonce amidst 1920’s classics is a blast. Particularly, a scene in which a gorgeous song from Lana Del Ray is featured, bringing a layer of melancholy throughout the film. It’s a beautifully sad moment that left me in awe.

Luhrmann is at his best when he is blending visual and musical styles together to create something wholly original. There are so many stand out scenes here. And together, they make an exceptional film.

A-

Candice and Kree: could there be a more classic Ebony and Ivory face off? White country and black soul, and probably the best examples of either genre to grace the Idol stage, ever. For their final face-off, they sing three songs each: the first chosen by Simon Fuller, the second, their possible single, should they win, and the third their own choice from the songs they’ve sung this season. Let’s say it up front: both finalists are master technicians whose voices present no obstacles to whatever it is they choose to sing. You never find yourself sitting on the edge of your seat hoping they don’t screw up. You know they won’t. And both are in top shape. By the end of the night, the judges can’t pick a winner.

If this was simply a singing contest, Candice would win. She’s the best, has never been out of the front-runner spot and has delivered some of the most memorable performances in the show’s history. But it’s not just about singing. It’s about stardom, and what it takes to be a star. That brings up the nuts and bolts topic that always feels a little dirty: marketability.

Twelve years ago, Kelly Clarkson was marketable. Today… well, the offering by Carly Rae Jepsen halfway through the show says it all, and, frankly, there’s not much to say. Pop hits today are slight little things, just enough melody to give the singer something to do but never taxing their usually limited range and technique. And even when they bring a strong voice to the table—Katy Perry—there’s never much for them to do.

A good song is a narrative, both lyrically and musically; today’s hits are like a postcard with a quick line scribbled on the back. Candice’s voice is a lousy fit for such songs. Her weakest performances this season came when she tried to shoehorn her monster talent into those tiny little containers. Yeah, she can sing anything, but unless she has a song with room for her to move around and express herself, with a melody that can absorb her interpretive embellishment—songs like tonight’s reprise of I Who Have Nothing—she never gets a chance to shine. Can you imagine her covering Carly Rae Jepson’s number?

Unfortunately, the songs she was born to sing aren’t going to pave the road to pop star heaven. Reprising old standards won’t cut it, no matter how good she is. Are there contemporary song writers who can produce current material on par with the greats? Lovesong, this season sure fit the bill. Whitney Houston found quite a few to record. And Candice’s opening song tonight, Adele’s Chasing Pavements, certainly offers a promising direction. But she can’t make a career singing Adele songs—Adele’s already cornered that market—and it will be too easy to saddle Candice with well-intentioned efforts that simply don’t do her justice. Like I Am Beautiful, the song slated to be her first single. It’s a typical Idol winner’s number, which means schmaltzy, schlocky, and unmemorable. And her performance is likewise unmemorable. Not her fault; it’s just not the kind of song that lets her soar.

Kree hit her season best tonight, even though the problems that have plagued her all season long were in full view. Her smile flickers on and off like Jimmy Carter’s—never timed quite right, never truly sincere, always fading away too soon to be replaced by a cloud of uncertainty. She still has no idea who she is. Come on: she’s 23. Few her age have a clue, but most have the luxury of hammering themselves together without the whole country looking on.

Personality issues aside, her voice was in great form. Of the two finalists, Kree might just be the more marketable, given that she’s heading for Nashville, a destination she’s been working towards her entire life. The last few decades have seen the country genre edging ever closer to the pop world as more and more artists seek those coveted cross-over hits. But if you want stories and narratives, country music is still where you’ll find them. And there’s no question that Kree’s heart and soul is country. She had a lot of success this season when she was able to inject her personal style into songs that weren’t necessarily country in their original form. Like her opening number, Sara McLaughlin’s Angel, a beautiful though somewhat sterile melody for which Kree found the perfect phrasing, retaining everything great in the original, with some nicely added color. Her single, All Cried Out, fit her much more comfortably than did Candice’s; it’s a country tear-jerker in the grand old style, complete with a monster chorus. It would have been nice if they’d found something a bit more customized for Candice as well.

But it’s their final numbers that tell the tale. Kree chose Up to the Mountain, a song she did back in Las Vegas. Killer song, flawless performance. It’s the performance that demonstrates conclusively that she belongs in the finals.

Then Candice sings I Who Have Nothing, and proves that she deserves to win. The first time she sang it, way back in Episode 1, she established herself as the one to beat. It’s hard to imagine her improving on that performance, but tonight, when she sings the entire opening verse a cappella, we forget everything else, hold our breath and watch an artist balanced on the edge, never missing a step. The first time she sang the song, I marveled at her control and maturity. After an entire season, I’m back in the same state of wonder. I don’t know where you take a voice like hers, but it’s not going to be served by frothy dance tunes. She deserves to be a star, but they may just have to invent a new genre to accommodate her.

Who cares who wins? The voting process has been flawed all season and tonight’s results show is just a formality. When it’s over, both these girls are walking out the back door of the Nokia theatre, into their limousines and heading straight for the recording studio. They’ll both do just fine, as will Angie Miller, Amber Holcomb and Janelle Arthur, all of whom got a well-deserved opportunity this season.

Translating those opportunities into careers… well, that’s a different story, isn’t it? Maybe a different reality show. Hear that Nigel? I understand you’re looking for a new gig. Think about it.

The Goldbergs

The nostalgia factor might be nice for some. It’s a decent cast headed by Wendy McLendon-Covey, and there’s a few smart laughs, but when you take away the 80’s gimmick, the bares bones of this pilot seems played out.

How long will it last? I can see this getting half a season simply because of the 80’s gimmick. Plus it’s airing directly after SHIELD, which should do well.

Trophy Wife

Sorry, but Malin Akerman, while a completely fine likable actress, isn’t going to carry her own show. This feels out of place on the Tuesday night lineup.

How long will it last? The only way this will stick around is if it can retain its SHIELD lead in, but it probably wont. I give this about six episodes.

Super Fun Night

Of all the comedies to place your bets on this year, Super Fun Night seems like a clear shot. Rebel Wilson starring will be the draw. It’s airing after Modern Family, so it’ll surely retain some audience. Plus it looks genuinely funny.

How long will it last? This will be the one successful comedy for ABC next Fall.

Back In The Game

This looks so bad it’s like ABC is airing it as a mistake. You really have to wonder, how bad were the comedy pilots this year that something like this was ordered to series? Either that, or they’re looking for something overly family friendly. Even more insulting? They cancelled Happy Endings for it.

How long will it last? What brain dead executive thinks this will do better in the pre-Modern Family time slot than Happy Endings would have. This will last about ten episodes tops.

Lucky 7

ABC seems to be taking a chance on an hour long comedy this year. This trailer and premise feel a little scattered. Seven employees at a gas station in Queens win a 45 million dollar lottery. It’s a gimmicky premise, but the show doesn’t look half as bad as it sounds. Unfortunately, it’s airing on Tuesday nights an hour after SHIELD, and if anything will be successful that night, it won’t be this. Plus, it seems like it can’t decide whether it wants to be a comedy or drama.

How long will it last? It’ll likely be overshadowed by SHIELD, but I give this about half a season.

Betrayal

On paper, this seems like the perfect companion for Revenge. The trailer isn’t awful, but it’s a very thin premise that absolutely cannot last an entire series.

How long will it last? This will tank harder than 666 Park Ave did last season.

Once Upon a Time In Wonderland

I dislike that it’s a spinoff of Once Upon a Time, because it seems like it would stand well enough on its own. Additionally, why not just include this storyline in said show to make it a stronger series? That said, this trailer is the best of the bunch, with high production value and good writing.

How long will it last? Interesting choice to air on Thursday nights instead of Sundays after its predecessor. Regardless, it should still do well.

SHIELD

This is a continuation of the franchise juggernaut Avengers, only in TV form. I’m confident it can eventually become everything it’s claiming to be simply because of Joss Whedon. But the trailer looks cliche, boring and cheap. Ultimately, I want more than just Heroes 2.0.

How long will it last? This is probably the only safe bet of the entire new Fall tv season.

Mixology

I admire ABC for thinking it can still capture a young audience. But if it didn’t work for Happy Endings or Don’t Trust The B, it’s certainly not going to work for this.

How long will it last? I’m not saying it looks bad, but we had two aforementioned better shows last year. To put it bluntly, this won’t last.

Resurrection

Why ABC is deciding to save what looks like their best new drama for mid season is strange and makes me think this doesn’t stand a chance. The trailer looks average, focusing on one little boy returning after dying over twenty years previous. But the over all premise of a bunch of different dead people returning to one town is more intriguing.

How long will it last? The trailer makes a mistake of focusing on one boy (presumably everything here is in the pilot.) But if it can focus on something heavily serialized, and not fall into a “dead person of the week” formula, this could have long term potential.

Mind Games

Yet another completely inaccurate depiction of someone who is bipolar. I knew from the moment Steve Zahn opened his mouth in this trailer, what we’d be watching is an insulting and unrealistic look at someone with a mental disorder.

How long will it last? Regardless, it still looks unfunny and actually quite miserable. This will be one of the first cancellations of the season.

Killer Women

ABC must be aiming to please the heartland with this one. I love Tricia Helfer as much as anyone else who adored Battlestar Galactica, but this doesn’t seem like the right show for her.

How long will it last? There’s a vehicle out there for Helfer. This, however, is not it.

What We’ll Give a Chance | Super Fun Night, Resurrection, SHIELD, Once Upon A Time In Wonderland

On The Fence | Lucky 7, Betrayal

What We’ll Skip | Everything else

Answer: Isn’t that what the trailers are for?

With that, here’s our quick reviews of FOX’s latest offerings.

Brooklyn Nine Nine

On paper, a comedic cop show starring Andy Samberg and Andre Braugher sounds absurd and not something I would even remotely be interested in. However, this trailer is solid and actually really funny. It’s from the people who created Parks and Recreation, and with Fred Armisen’s cameo in this preview, it’s genuinely laugh out loud comical. Color me surprised. This is one of the only comedies seemingly worth checking out next Fall.

How long will it last? It’s airing before New Girl, and while completely different types of shows, it could still attract a solid audience. That said, Ben and Kate didn’t fare very well on the same night. This will likely last a full season, at least.

Almost Human

When Fringe ended its run this year, Fox explicitly said they were still in the market for genre programming. I don’t think Almost Human is what any fan of Fringe was hoping for. It’s a buddy cop drama set in the future in which every cop has a robot partner. This might look fun for some, with some great special effects, but even uber fanboys and girls will likely give up after it becomes a procedural, which is likely.

How long will it last? JJ Abrams is producing, so it’ll likely get a full season order, but get cancelled after that.

Dads

I have to believe the only reason Fox decided to pick this up is because they have some sort of deal with Seth McFarlane. I mean, the guy is supposed to be sort of edgy, considering Family Guy was hilarious for all these years. But Dads seems like the second rate version of even worse sitcoms.

How long will it last? Not very, I give this about four episodes tops.

Enlisted

Not to take this way overboard in a simple fall tv pilot trailer snap judgment, but doesn’t it seem offensive that we’re still glorifying the military and pretending it’s this fun place where rape doesn’t exist, and out gay men don’t get soap beatings on a daily basis. Regardless, this just seems unfunny, trite and amateur.

How long will it last? Unfortunately, this could find a very specific audience, but I don’t see that audience really sticking around for the long haul. This will get half a season.

Rake

Despite the stupid and boring premise, this trailer is surprisingly decent. It’s based on an Australian series of the same name, though I suspect they will rework and tweak it for American audiences. I see this as a male version of Ally McBeal, in which case, I’d absolutely watch. Greg Kinnear plays lovable doucebags very well.

How long will it last? This one seems like a bit of a conundrum. On one hand, it has a very Quirky Eli Stone vibe (a show that didn’t last very long.) On the other, it has a procedural element that audiences might enjoy. I see this one being a success.

Us And Them

Jason Ritter and Alexis Bledel are in a long distance relationship having met online in different cities. He lives in an apartment below his parents. She lives with her widowed mom and weird uncle. Despite the overwrought rom com premise, this cast is solid and the show seems to have a few well timed one liners to cut the cheese factor. The production value also seems a step above most comedies this year.

How long will it last? Considering it’s a mid season replacement, it shouldn’t get its hopes up. But it will at least finish out its half season.

Sleepy Hollow

Icabod Crane has been resurrected in present day to solve some unsolved mysteries in Sleepy Hollow. Upon doing this, the headless horseman is also resurrected and we come to find he’s actually one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. No seriously, that’s the premise. I’m a sucker for heavy mythology, but even I’m not being blinded by this messy trailer that can’t decide if it wants to be a fish out of water story, a procedural, or a heavily serialized apocalypse tale. I’ll pass on whatever it decides to become.

How long will it last? I guess Fox didn’t learn their lesson from Alcatraz, taking an infamous location people are already aware of and turning it into fantasy. There’s potential here for a self aware fun homage to present day Sleepy Hollow, but it likely won’t ever get to that point. This one’s on top of the “first to be cancelled” list.

What We’ll Give a Chance | Rake, Brooklyn Nine Nine

On The Fence | Us and Them

What We’ll Skip | Everything else

The Michael J Fox Show

NBC is so clearly trying to milk former television successes this season. The Michael J Fox show is a prime example. Despite the fact that it’s based on his life and struggle with Parkinson’s disease, this still looks like any old bland family friendly schlock that never works for this network. It seems they’ve learned nothing from Whitney or Guys With Kids.

How long will it last? This will stick around for at least a full season. NBC will give this its full support.

Sean Saves The World

It’s interesting that right after canceling The New Normal, NBC is deciding to give us another show about a gay dad. Only this time, it feels much more family friendly, though still stereotypical and boring. At least there were some funny quips and a unique cast on New Normal. Here, Sean Hayes seems like the sole star, and this show will fall squarely on his shoulders. The trailer looks dull and full of bad writing

How long will it last? This will also stick around for a full season.

The Blacklist

Television is already inundated with this cat and mouse procedural garbage. James Spader will obviously be incredible, but it will soon turn into “criminal of the week” nonsense and get old very quickly. Can we place bets now that the lead is his daughter?

How long will it last? People will watch this initially. This will likely get a full season order.

Dracula

I was sold at Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Dracula. Add to it Victorian era repression, top hats and vampires? And here marks the first pilot worth checking out.

How long will it last? They’re airing it Friday nights along side Grimm. So if it can just be on par, it’ll be around for a while.

Welcome To The Family

Boy gets girl pregnant right after graduation. Boy and girl must defer their college plans, get married, and blend together their two families, who are Mexican and white. This is your classic culture clash comedy that plays on stereotypes. However, in 2013, it’s hard to believe this would cause such a problem. This looks like drivel.

How long will it last? Five episodes.

Ironside

The premise sounds like an SNL skit, Blair Underwood proves how badass he is by being overly tough and overcompensating for the fact that he’s in a wheelchair. The execution seems every bit as eye roll inducing.

How long will it last? Seems better suited to CBS. I give this about four episodes.

Bottom Line: NBC seems adamant on dumbing down their schedule for the sake of adding viewers. Furthermore, they seem to be trying to emulate CBS’ lineup. Only none of these shows, with the exception of Dracula, will add anything. I firmly believe there are people out there interested in making good television, this network just refuses to let them in. NBC needs to realize their hits spring from being unique, not from making cheap imitations of already successful shows.

Another late week for me, so I ran through my DVR, catching the songs, fast-forwarding through the judges’ comments (or, as they are now officially known, the walking dead.)

Looks like it’s time to say good-bye. To Angie Miller, certainly, who got the ax at the end of Thursday’s results show, but also, apparently, to the judges themselves, and, as far as I can tell, to American Idol. Something may still be around next year that will keep the name in lights, but it will bear little resemblance to the show as we’ve known it for the past 12 years.

FOX (a mysterious, but powerful cabal, given the rumors they also tossed Nigel Lithgow out on his ass, who I thought was the producer) say they want to reclaim the younger audience who’s deserted them in droves the past several seasons. Given that the one performance this week that got a standing “O” from the panel was Candice Glover’s rendition of Somewhere from West Side Story, which dates from 1957—it’s great song, a classic even, but it’s Leonard friggin’ Bernstein, fer cryin’ out loud—I see what they mean. This kind of song is Candice’s natural environment. She was brilliant, as usual, but that mythical younger audience, if any were still watching, gave out a collective YAWN and cranked up their wii’s and Playstations, or logged on to VoteForTheWorst.com and went over to the dark side.

So what might a transformed Idol look like? The Voice already has chairs for their gimmick… I know: how about a gong and a large hook? No wait, Chuck Barris tried that. A trap door offers interesting possibilities—I’d have loved one of those, this season, every time Lazaro Arbos opened his mouth. Maybe they could borrow a theme from Nickleodeon and soak the lousy performers with a bucket of GAK. Come on, help me out here, people, I’m thinking off the top of my head. Gotta come up with a gimmick these days. Can’t snare the kiddies without a gimmick.

One thing we can say for certain: with the slate of new judges being tossed around, it will be Nicki vs. Mariah quadrupled. The defining motif will be “Hey, why haven’t you noticed me in the past five minutes?” Kiss Beatles week good-bye; likewise Motown week, the Gershwin brothers and if you want more West Side Story, go buy it on iTunes. Instead we’ll have to endure a steady diet of Katy Perry-type pod songs, with an occasional offering by Demi Levato, Avril Lavigne or Pink for a pinch of rock flavor. Which leaves folks like Candice Glover pretty much out in the cold. All she can do is sing, but that requires the kind of songs that aren’t being written any more, let alone performed and recorded.

Angie Miller can sing too, for all the good it did her. If the purpose of this show is to find a current music star, Angie spent the season evolving into precisely that. She projects the bubbly enthusiasm and innocent good looks that brings a young Britney Spears to mind, with the added benefit that Angie sports an actual voice and the talent to know how to use it. Wednesday night’s performances showed her at the top of her game: confident, certain of who she has become, and ready for the next step. Her career began Friday morning, once she realized that she’d been given a life boat off a sinking ship. Someone will know what to do with her. She will be back.

I think Candice came into this contest with a fair idea of who she is as an artist, and what she wants to sing. Angie discovered these crucial perspectives week to week. Kree’s still looking for the answers. Out of her three songs on Wednesday, she had one killer performance and two the judges needed to make excuses for. That’s been her average all season. Good voice, ho-hum performance.

Most telling is Kree’s reluctance to smile. Candice clearly loves what she’s doing and it always shows. Angie can’t turn her smile off, and, as the season’s progressed, it’s gone from plastic to genuine. Kree looks like the muscles in her mouth need to be retrained every time she tries to stretch them into that unfamiliar pose. Whoever she is, whoever she’ll discover herself to be, it’s not yet part of her personality, a reflex requiring neither thought nor choice.

But she stays and Angie goes home, and while Candice has been front-runner all season long, Kree could win it. As the folks at Vote for the Worst claim, “We eliminated any semblance of a marketable winner and got our girl Kree into the finale.” I’ve suspected the unseen hand of spoilers all season long, but it’s never been the spoilers at issue, it’s the lack of a real audience to counter them. So that, coupled with the fact that country fans VOTE, Kree could end up joining Kris Allen and Lee DeWyze in the Winners No One Cares About Club. (Scotty McCreery and Phil Phillips haven’t been inducted into that illustrious group yet, but neither do Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood need to look over their shoulders.)

If you care enough about the show to read this, you’ve already seen the two entries this week; no need for a blow-by-blow. The aforementioned winner from Kree was the Rascal Flatts song, Here Comes Goodbye. Genuine emotion came through as she contemplated the title and probably saw it as a prediction for her near-future. Her other two songs, Pink’s Perfect (well, that’s not the whole title, but propriety restrains us) and The Band Perry’s Better Dig Two don’t have as much to offer on their own, and neither does she.

Candice had two moments tonight where she actually went off pitch. She recovered quickly and it didn’t detract from her performance, but it was so obvious simply because it almost never happens. Her killer song, for my money was the Mary J. Blige treatment of One by U2. She showed off her chops once more, but this might be one of those songs that should be left alone and simply sung. Bono’s voice is the perfect vehicle for this type of beautiful melody, but, then, maybe if he could pull off Candice-style fireworks, it might have been a different song. This version is certainly a different song from the original, but, for all that, it’s a knockout performance. Her third song, from West Side Story was every bit as good as the Streisand reprise twenty years back, and it’s a timeless piece, deserving of its place in the canon. But, like Burnell Taylor, who knew of The Beatles, the youngsters today probably know of Streisand (Leonard Bernstein, maybe not so much), but they aren’t going to download either her or Candice singing this song.

Angie had three winners tonight, and maybe a season best singing Elton John’s Sorry Seems To Be the Hardest Word. She’s the only one on stage who seems to fit the original concept of an American Idol and, watching her perform for the crowd in her home town, she’s the only one who looked like she should be adding more dates to her first tour schedule.

So what’s next? Justin Bieber? (Are you kidding me?) P-Diddy, (the artist also known as iamdiddy, Puff Daddy, and, for those inconvenient appearances in court, Sean Combs)? Pink? (Just shut up and sing).

It’s over, folks. It was probably over after Taylor Hicks took honors in Season Five. The top four that year—Chris Daughtry, Elliott Yamin, Katharine McPhee and Hicks all were there because they could sing. Sanjaya Malakar wouldn’t make an appearance until the following season, when finalist Blake Lewis announced that things had turned seriously amiss in Idol-land when he was voted into the top two instead of Melinda Doolittle. There was a certain buzz surrounding Adam Lambert during his season, he even scored the cover of some magazines while still a contestant on the show, a far cry from where we are now. There’s been noteworthy attempts at a resurgence—last season, to be sure—but the juice and the necessary buzz have long since deserted the whole operation.

But it’s been a good run: twice as long as both I Love Lucy and The Beatles. In this age of ADD, instant gratification and seven gajillion media screens shouting for your attention, that ain’t bad.

At the start, gang member Rash (James Floyd) is king of his particular hill in Hackney, mentor and protector of his younger brother Mo (Fady Elsayed), who seems too vulnerable to fit in (he’s actually quite dumb). There’s an element of hero worship at play. Mo pretends to sleep while Rash services his on-off girlfriend in the bunk below, and listens in afterwards, in a wonderfully composed take, while Rash talks about using his drug money to put Mo through college, knowing he’s listening.

After watching his best friend get stabbed to death in a clash with a gang led by a guy named Demon, Rash obtains a gun, seeks out Demon, gets ready to shoot, but backs out. Tensions flare between the siblings as Mo resents Rash hanging out with Sayyid (Saïd Taghmaoui), a French photographer who employs him as an assistant and introduces him to a different lifestyle. Mo is clearly jealous, objecting to Sayyid’s homosexuality and his conversations with Rash about Middle Eastern politics and the prophet Mohammed. As Rash tries to escape the gang culture, Mo is getting sucked in to replace him. When the gang finds out Rash is sleeping with Sayyid, they plan on murdering him. So the question is, does Mo save his brother, or continue with his traditional beliefs about homosexuality?

My Brother The Devil is not perfect. As much as I wanted to adore this movie and its themes – the performances are a little uneven, there’s too much gang stereotyping and our two leads aren’t believable in their roles. To be perfectly blunt and possibly offensive (this coming from a gay man writing this), I would never believe for one second Rash was a straight man and lived his life as such up until this point. Mo, as well, is extremely feminine. The performances don’t work in this way.

Regardless, this is an interesting and unique drama of London’s gang life, the immigrant experience, and questions no smaller than what “manhood” might mean to young men whose traditional cultures are colliding with the modern world. It represents a culture of responded aggressiveness toward homosexuality in a glaring but smart way. Despite its amateur performances, El Hosaini is a fresh new voice in cinema who clearly isn’t afraid to take chances.

B+

I appreciate the idea, a satirical dark comedy pointing fingers and blame at everyone from a pretentious man writing a book to a guy simply littering and not caring. I can see Sightseers possibly becoming a cult film shown at midnight movies across the country in a few years, but it has nothing to spark any debate. It’s not grounded enough to be genuinely horrifying, nor ridiculous enough to be fun. It works on no levels, thus leaving everyone feeling insulted.

Sightseers is essentially a one joke killing spree that wants to be so much more than a senseless bloodbath. It’s actually indulgent irrelevance.

D